Multiplication Tables Turning 35

Making sense out of nonsense,
why does 9 x 9 = 81, when I was only 8 x 1 back then?

How can 1x 35 equal much at all,
this prime non-factor life.

Will anything, anywhere, or anyone at all
matter that I have multiplied or divided by
if my final say is only about a broken heart, a true romance or
a bastardedly comedy.

As opposed to, a wide eyed wonder of a three year old, holding tight to my ear
with whispers and awe at what a big world mommy makes go round,
just for you. you. you.

So I'll head out alone again after another 28 day ovulation cycle wait....after being tabled a witlessly dry measure of hope.

Eyes filled with so much liquid mass I am welling and swelling an ocean in sight...tears brim and I laugh at my saltwater taffy mascara surprise.

I just needed it this time, this one. My little piece of gods great surprise.